I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
