Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
