the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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