I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
