it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She's the barista slut.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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