my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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