Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
