I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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