This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
