Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
