My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
