I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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