I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you inspire me to be a worse person
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
