Your face is a jimmy john
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
