I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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