So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
