somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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