just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
