Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im six kinds of drunk right now
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
