I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
