you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you inspire me to be a worse person
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
