There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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