Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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