Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
