What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
