I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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