Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
