dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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