Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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