you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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