Kiss
Puke
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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