It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
