Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She told me I should be a condom model.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
