Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
