apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
