she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
