Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
What a dumb baby whore.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
