Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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