Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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