i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
