He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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