I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
