Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
