He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
