I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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