nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
