you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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