No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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