maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
