I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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