i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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