I feel like my teeth are sweating.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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