Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
