someone threw a dead crab at me
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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