let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
whose ass print is on the piano?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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