I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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