Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
